just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
