I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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