Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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