I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
