I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
