my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
