ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Even my vagina gasped.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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