Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
two words...techno handjob
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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