man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
