we'll go far in life on tits alone.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
