She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
