She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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