I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
