I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
