R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
