I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
