Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
