your thong is hanging out like whoa
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize