Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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