so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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