my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We have so much sex to catch up on
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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