dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
