Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
