just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
