were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Is Oprah even human
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize