Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just pee around me
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
