oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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