I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
