Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
