I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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