genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize