A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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