i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
