It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
