just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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