A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
