update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
