We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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