also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
