when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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