i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You can't special order awesome
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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