Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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