Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
