Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize