I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
