I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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