This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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