So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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