$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
