It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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