party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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