if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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