I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
