Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
