I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
