my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
