I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I supernannyed him into submission
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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