I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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