My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize