Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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