We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
