I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
