ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
