oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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