My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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