it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
