if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
