Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
