Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
