Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
