Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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