we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
4 words: hood of his car
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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