this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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