yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Even my vagina gasped.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
