Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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