you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
