Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
