I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
