so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
