yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
