I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize