I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
