Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
