Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
