my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You need Xanax blowdarts
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
