So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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