how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
