when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
