apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
