Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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