Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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