508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
