I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
