dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
